"JESUS I’M TRYING I PROMISE YOU”

THIS WAS MY PERSONAL PRAYER FOR MONTHS DURING EARLY 2023. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED, I STILL FELT EMPTY. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAD I STRUGGLED TO BELIEVE IN GOD. NEVER HAD I QUESTIONED MY BELIEFS. IT HAD ALWAYS BEEN A PART OF MY LIFE. YET, NOW IT WAS A DAILY STRUGGLE TO EVEN BELIEVE GOD WAS REAL, OR GOOD, OR LOVING, OR ANY OF THE ATTRIBUTES I LEARNED FROM THE BIBLE. SO WHY WAS THIS SO HARD?

I WAS TRYING TO BELIEVE.

I WAS TRYING FOLLOW.

I WAS TRYING TO STAY STRONG.

DURING THIS TIME, MANY OF MY FRIENDS HAD LEFT THE FAITH AND MANY CHRISTIAN LEADERS I LOOKED UP TO WERE ALSO WALKING AWAY. SO MAYBE I WAS THE ONE IN THE WRONG FOR HOLDING ON? MAYBE THEY KNEW SOMETHING I DIDN’T? SO MANY THOUGHTS CONTINUED TO RUSH THROUGH MY HEAD. MAYBE IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GO. ONE CAN ONLY TRY SO HARD TO MAKE IT WORK. ARE THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS WORTH IT? IS THE CONSTANT BATTLE IN MY MIND AND HEART WORTH IT? I TRIED AND TRIED, BUT NOTHING WAS WORKING.

AS MY WHOLE WORLD SEEMED TO CRASH BEFORE ME, A SIMPLE THOUGHT CAME TO MIND.

“MAYBE TRYING IS THE WHOLE POINT" WHAT IF THAT'S ALL JESUS WANTS FROM ME IN THIS MOMENT?

MAYBE HE IS WITH ME, EVEN IN THE TRYING...